My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
