Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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