I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
