nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
