Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
did i just pee glitter
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
