I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Drake has all the answers
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
