Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
