i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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