i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
