i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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