The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
