Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
