My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
