Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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