You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
