saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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