I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Of course I have a pirate flag
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
