I'm going to jail i love you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
