Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
