Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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