Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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