Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
