just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
