the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
