i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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