Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
