I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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