im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
