Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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