so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
