Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
