So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
