If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
