She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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