people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
