I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
