Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
