just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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