Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
where am i from again
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
