He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
