the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need water and some morals
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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