Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
