There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He better not be in your backpack
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
