omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
