watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
