chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
