I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
