Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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