I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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