Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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